No one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend, but anyone can start from here and make a brand new end.    ~  Dan Zadra

Welcome to After the Alimony! After the Alimony is here to help ease you through the transition of divorce and provides tips and insights you might find useful in rebuilding your life. Experiencing a life changing transition presents challenges that you may not have experienced before. The process of moving through transition is messy –pushing you beyond your comfort zones. Realistically transition happens in stages that require patience, acceptance and introspection. It’s not as easy as waking up one day and stepping into a ready made new life. There is a space between leaving your old life and entering your new one that I like to call”limbo land”. You can’t go back to your old life and you really don’t know what you want your new life to look like. You just know that you want it to be better than before and want it to happen right now. Time spent in limbo feels unproductive and seems like it will last forever. Take heart… this too shall pass. Take advantage of this awkward stage to think about what was missing in your old life and what you want to create for yourself moving forward.

The Three Stages of Transition

Discovering Who?

Crisis and transition have a way of stopping you dead in your tracks. Life seems to stop as the world keeps marching on without you. Before the onset of transition you may find that you have been immersed in the busyness of your life and have become almost robotic as you move through life on auto-pilot; in the process losing parts of yourself along the way.  Sometimes the “who” you are in the roles you play become a part of a bigger package that defines”what” your life has been about. It is common to feel lost when you no longer fit neatly into a package. Crisis serves as a wake up call. As a result, questions like,” Who am I?” ,begin to bubble up.  Life as you know it has change forever and the roles you play have changed as well. It is no longer possible to sleep walk through life which seems overwhelming. “Who” you are has fundamentally changed. Life changes take time and will unfold at it’s own pace. Use this time to begin identifying how you want to live your life from here forward. If you are unclear about what you want , start by focusing on the things you DON”T want. This is an opportunity to re-connect with yourself; a major building block in establishing a life that will result in a happy and fulfilling future.

Discovering What?

As you begin to step into your new life and ask the question,”Who am I?”, you will inevitably begin to think, “What do I want to do do with the rest of my life?”. A mighty big question… one that must be answered if you want to create something wonderful in your future.  In this phase of transition the ground seems to be more solid under your feet and you can begin to making meaningful decisions about your future. As you get to know yourself better the answers to ,”What do I want?” , begin to take shape. As they do, Think BIG.! Dream Big! Use your imagination! Look for clues in your past to help you remember what you enjoy. Do you have a dream that you have never pursued? This may be an ideal time to take your first steps toward making that dream a reality. Getting a clearer picture of what you want sets you up for success as you move onto the final stage of transition.

Discovering How?

One of the most meaningful differences between a woman who continues to stay stuck in the same place for years and one who goes onto to create a thriving future is her willingness to take meaningful action. Without meaningful action there can be no results. In this phase of transition, you are continuing to refine your vision for the future and answering the question, “What’s next for me?”.  Now is the time to put together a life plan. Successfully moving into a new phase of your life begins as you take specific and meaningful action that is tied to the goals you have established in your life plan. Most women who are living thriving lives will tell you they didn’t get where they were going in straight line. None the less, they began with a plan, took action and in the end their lives turned out even better than they had originally envisioned.

Today is a New Day

As you move through the stages of transition take the time to reflect on who you are at your core, what you want to create in your life, make a plan and take the necessary action to make it happen. Your past is yesterday. Today is a new day!

Group Coaching teleclasses forming now for Now What? 90 Days to a new life direction. For more information contact Nichole at nichole@afterthealimony.com.